From Gaming to Life： Jay Gets Real About Transitioning - Error Code Show

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Last week, we kind of ended the show with a huge

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cliffhanger and yeah, that's it. Any questions?

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No kidding. Okay. So yeah, last week there was

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a question, you know, asking what are our genders?

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And we stated them. Some people had some questions

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and we didn't really answer that. We just kind

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of like dropped it. We were like, Tune in next

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week. Have fun by which dog dad has pointed out

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in chat already. You know, hey, I thought we

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were going to talk about this. We were we were

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just waiting for waiting for more people to kind

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of come in. Because right around this time, I

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think is like kind of when we peak on Twitch

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and YouTube and stuff. So anyways, yeah. So I

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think a lot of people were kind of Shocked, I

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guess when I said like, yeah, my pronouns are

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they them? Especially since for the majority

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of this show, I'm. Yeah, I had a pretty big beard

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and I was as Alex put a pretty big guy. I think

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I think the beard thing was the first thing that

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really shocked them. I think that was the bird

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to be fair, the first week that you had shaved

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the beard, that was that was where everybody

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went, huh? What's up? Yeah, and I even had at

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work the director of marketing say, oh my gosh,

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you shaved your beard. That is pretty much your

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brand. And I was like, yeah. And he was like,

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and I know you're in MBA school and changing

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your brand can be kind of a hard thing to do.

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Also not getting on a tangent here, but if you

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look at how Cracker Barrel tried to change their

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band brand, it didn't really work out. They lost

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over a hundred million dollars very quickly.

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By the way, by the way, by the way. That's a

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crazy story that I can't wait to talk about and

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probably like my next MBA class. But because

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I know that's going to come up. Yeah. So they

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then. Where did that come from? Well, pretty

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much. Alex is really pushing for five thousand

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subs on YouTube, and he said the only way we're

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going to get there is if we have if it's not

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two guys on this podcast. So here we are. I had

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nothing to do with this. I'm kidding. That was

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a joke. But. Yeah, so a long story short. I am

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just exploring my gender, which a lot of people

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probably are not going to understand that. Like,

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what does that mean? And honestly, like, I don't

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even know fully what that means. I have been

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asked why now, you know, you're in your you're

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like mid thirties. Why are you exploring your

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gender now? Typically? That's something that

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happens like in your 20s I am and the easy answer

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here is Yeah, I grew up in Florida so when my

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doctor my doctor literally asked my doctor and

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this was probably the most Uncomfortable thing

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I have so far went through in my doctor asked,

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you know why now I am But as soon as I said,

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well, I'm from Florida I just recently moved

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to the Seattle area. He literally was like, oh,

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yeah, OK, never mind. That makes sense. Growing

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up in northwest Florida. You don't really explore

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things like this. Some people do. I had a few

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few of my friends go through this. And it did

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not go well for them. They were bullied, they

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were harassed. They were disowned. They were

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kicked out of their houses. And then they finally

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left Florida to come to a few of them came to

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the promised land of Seattle. That's kind of

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what put Seattle a little bit on the map, but

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then also just traveling in general. My wife

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and I came out here at least three times on vacation

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before we decided to move. But Like, yeah, it's

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exploring my gender. I can say. First of all,

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Alex, do you have any questions so far or are

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there any questions in chat that you want to

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ask? Mostly, I'm seeing a lot of support in chat.

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A lot of people are saying I'll read off. Your

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journey is your journey. Jake West bravely venture

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boldly. Tip says they figured you were in self

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discovery mode, which I don't think is a bad

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way to put it. Somebody else in YouTube chat

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said facial hair is a bra for your jaw. Feels

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great to whip it off, which I loved. That was

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that was a good one. Mostly, again, the beard

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was the the shocking part. So far, again, a lot

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of a lot of support coming out of the chat. Yeah,

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well, thank you guys. I'm. Yeah, growing up,

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I am. I can say this. So my mother passed away

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three years ago. I grew up with my father. My

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father had a complete 100 % custody of me when

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I was in, I don't know, elementary school. I

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want to say around like the third grade. When

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my mother, just before my mother passed away,

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She felt so horrible. I am and she told me she

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was like, you know, I feel I feel really bad.

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I feel like I left you and and I knew how your

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father was and and how he could be very abusive.

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I am and she said she was like, you know, when

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you were a kid, I thought we had hung out too

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much. So supposedly my mother would dress me

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up as a girl, put makeup on me. And I wanted

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to do girl things when I was a kid. So she she

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was like, I, you know, we thought you were gay

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as a child. But. This was this is kind of funny,

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but also really not. She was I think you playing

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soccer and then you going to church really helped

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you. And you became like the man you are today.

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And that was like a huge knife into my side.

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I was like, oh crap. Because I do remember I

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am in elementary school. I made the mistake of

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asking there was like some sort of. Well, I don't

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know some sort of like limited doll, limited

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edition doll, and I asked for it for Christmas

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and it did not go over well. Let's just say that

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and. I'm growing up with my father. So I will

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say, I come from a military family without being

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a military family, if that makes sense. So my

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father wasn't in the military by the time I was

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born, but both my grandparents were in the military.

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One side was a Marine. One side was a Ranger

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in World War II. My father was in the Army. And

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then my father became a police officer in Detroit

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during the 70s and then moved down to Florida

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and had me. So there is this my father also comes

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from the farm kind of lifestyle. So my father

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raised me how he thought I should be raised.

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I think he saw a couple of things. I think he

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saw a kid that was more like my mother than him

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and he did not like that. And also I think he

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saw a kid that growing up I was always really

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small and you could yell at me and I would just

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cry. So he saw like kind of a weak kid that needed

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to be tough enough if I was going to go out into

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the world. So, yeah, and that's what he kind

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of set out to do. So if I got in trouble for

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something stupid, like if I made a bad grade

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in a class, I would be punished for that physically.

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And then once he was done, he would say, OK,

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now I'm going to punish you for crying. So I

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grew up. Really quickly learning not to be myself

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If I was going to survive I had to be who my

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dad wanted me to be I had to be who? Everyone

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else wanted me to be I am this worked out really

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really great growing up I became very popular

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had a lot of friends Even when I graduated I

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was able to get a job move up really quickly

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because if you If you work for like a corporation

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and you say I'll be whoever you want me to be.

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And I'll work however many hours a week you want

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me to work. You're going to move up. Yeah. And

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you're you're reinforced. Right. I mean I went

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from living in a trailer growing up in a trailer

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growing up homeless to then all of a sudden buying

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a house at the age of 21. You get all of these

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things. You buy the nice car that you want to

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get. You buy all the things you want to get.

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You do all the things that you're supposed to

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do. You go out, you get married, you get a fancy

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engineering degree. But no matter what you do,

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you're never really, truly happy. And I think

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a couple of things happened. One. My entire family

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like passed away. So my father passed away. My

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mother passed away. And then we left Florida.

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And I think once I got into a safe environment

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where people asked me like I don't like I'm not

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going to tell you who you are. Like I want to

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know who you are. And once I started, you know,

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kind of being involved with like LGBT Councils

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and stuff like that. I started opening up a little

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bit more and Obviously going through a lot of

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therapy I decided to start exploring my gender

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that I didn't really have the courage to when

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I was younger so I'm gonna pause there Alex.

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What do you think? I mean this obviously this

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this is not about me I have known about this

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for a little while not like forever, but for

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a little while Let me let me chime back in with

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some chat stuff for you though Somebody chat

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said they hope they're not out of line, but your

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dad sounds like an asshole You know Somebody

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said they're glad you got out of Florida. It

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won't be safe until Miami like breaks off to

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the Caribbean and everyone north of Miami Dade

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and Proud Counties runs like is gone migrates

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north. Semi serious question. Did the movie Fight

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Club speak to you? Right. I I've always really

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liked Fight Club. I'm I'm kind of curious like

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why. Like. Why why the question I don't know

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Very good question. Oh, I I love that movie.

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I've seen it probably like a hundred times I

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mean I was gonna make a con that I I'm gonna

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backtrack that one joke there, but I'm leaving

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that one Hurray therapy fantasy football for

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your feelings. I like that one. That's a good

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one Yeah, so again a lot of a lot of support

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coming from our chat. Thank you chat for being

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so supportive and an understanding of this it's

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you know, again, we've been kind of mulling this

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one for a couple of weeks couple three weeks

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now about when to talk about it and then somebody

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asked last week in the chat what Jay's pronouns

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were and Jay just to clarify because I don't

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think we've we've kind of put a Hard button on

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that and somebody else did ask in the chat. Are

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we are we sticky with they them for now? Yeah,

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so they them I'm You know, I've I've I've been

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asked a lot for like, you know, oh, do you think

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you're like non -binary? Do you think you're

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trans? Do you think your gender fluid? And I

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don't know honestly, I really don't I'm I'm just

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sticking with they them for now and I will say

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I am I changed at work. So my work is I They're

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a huge advocate for like pronouns putting your

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pronouns and your email signature Stuff like

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that. Um, so I sent an email to the Kind of a

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group of people I work with the closest letting

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them know that I was changing My pronouns today

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them very very brief reasoning why? Nothing this

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detailed And I primarily did that Because I like

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to joke around a lot I'm always like, I don't

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know the one that's making jokes laughing having

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a good time and I didn't want to Do something

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like wear more feminine clothing to work and

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then someone think it's a joke and like oh ha

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ha like like look at Jay like That's so funny

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and it's like no not a joke Primarily for kind

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of kind of to notify everyone like hey, this

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isn't a joke like I'm going through this like

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kind of Exploring phase which everyone I work

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was super supportive I am I really work at like

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a amazing place with amazing people Yeah, they

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them for now I'm still going through therapy

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obviously and I have been now for I think like

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four years now every Friday, but yeah, so I don't

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I don't know where it'll go. But yeah, they them

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for now. Adding to the the question that you

00:16:05.179 --> 00:16:07.399
asked about why I asked about Fight Club The

00:16:07.399 --> 00:16:09.039
response was there's a part where Tyler Durden

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talks about his dad's advice, you know, his dad

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said go to college Okay, been to college now

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what get a career? Okay got a career now what

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get married? Okay. Now what you know what you

00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:21.679
were saying earlier in your your talk here Apparently

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made them think of that. So that makes sense,

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you know, okay I see the parallel now chat Yeah

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All right. So yeah, that that does make sense.

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And yeah, again, I think it was you're kind of

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taught like, oh, if you do this, you'll be happy,

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right? Like if you buy a house, you'll be happy.

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If you get that promotion, you'll be happy. If

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you get a I don't know, a harder degree, right?

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Like an engineering degree, you're going to get

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a nice job. You're going to be happy. Well, maybe

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if you move out of Florida, you're going to be

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happy. And that's not really the case. And that

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was like one thing that I first started going

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to therapy for was like, I feel like I'm just

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going to the next milestone. Like. OK, like now,

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what do I need to do? Like, I'm not happy. What

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do I need to do now? Is it? Getting my masters.

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Will that make me happy? Will I get if I get

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my PhD? Will I be happy? If I move up in the

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company that I'm currently out, will I be happy?

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So you keep looking externally for things that

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will make you happy. And yeah, I realized very

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quickly that I was getting worn out. I was getting

00:17:49.130 --> 00:17:54.200
worn out and physically like my health. It's

00:17:54.200 --> 00:17:56.160
kind of like, I don't want to say like declining,

00:17:56.160 --> 00:18:00.140
right? But like, I am the most out of shape I

00:18:00.140 --> 00:18:04.880
am now that I ever been in my life. So I'm like

00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:09.480
six one, right? I used to be like 140 pounds,

00:18:09.539 --> 00:18:14.140
which is way too skinny. But now I'm like 240,

00:18:14.500 --> 00:18:19.220
which is a lot more. I will say I was on the

00:18:19.220 --> 00:18:23.819
soccer team and I ran track. So Oddly enough,

00:18:23.859 --> 00:18:26.099
when you stop running like 10 miles a day, you're

00:18:26.099 --> 00:18:31.759
going to start gaining weight. But yeah, I just

00:18:31.759 --> 00:18:35.559
kind of. And I think also the thing that really

00:18:35.559 --> 00:18:38.579
hit me out here really hard when I first moved

00:18:38.579 --> 00:18:42.140
out here, because we moved. We moved into our

00:18:42.140 --> 00:18:49.619
place. Halloween 2021. 2021 was a very tough

00:18:49.619 --> 00:18:52.460
gray period. Our neighbors told us like, oh,

00:18:52.460 --> 00:18:56.740
that was a very abnormal, like more gray than

00:18:56.740 --> 00:19:00.500
usual. I did not know you're supposed to take

00:19:00.500 --> 00:19:03.720
like vitamin D supplements. And from Florida,

00:19:03.900 --> 00:19:08.400
what the heck are vitamin D supplements? So I

00:19:08.400 --> 00:19:13.279
became very depressed pretty quickly. Part of

00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:16.160
it seasonal depression, part of it also just

00:19:17.790 --> 00:19:20.769
Not really knowing what I'm supposed to do with

00:19:20.769 --> 00:19:26.150
my life, right? I am And yeah, I think I think

00:19:26.150 --> 00:19:28.150
I reached a moment where I was like something

00:19:28.150 --> 00:19:33.670
has to change right like I I don't think I can

00:19:33.670 --> 00:19:36.210
keep going on the way that I'm currently going

00:19:36.210 --> 00:19:42.490
on like Oddly enough. I'm going to therapy which

00:19:42.490 --> 00:19:50.049
I couldn't really do I'm When my dad, for instance,

00:19:50.109 --> 00:19:54.670
was alive. And again, if you've never lived in

00:19:54.670 --> 00:19:57.430
the South, the South is like the polar opposite

00:19:57.430 --> 00:20:03.349
of the Pacific Northwest. No one talks about

00:20:03.349 --> 00:20:06.329
mental health. You're not supposed to talk about

00:20:06.329 --> 00:20:12.430
mental health. Like my father, I grew up listening

00:20:12.430 --> 00:20:15.349
to my father make fun of people who went to therapy.

00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:22.240
So waste of money, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you

00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:26.559
don't place like places that you work at. They

00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:29.160
don't have mental health programs. They don't

00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:31.640
talk about it. You're not supposed to be yourself

00:20:31.640 --> 00:20:34.460
at work either. Like you show up to be the person

00:20:34.460 --> 00:20:37.559
that they want you like you show up and you become

00:20:37.559 --> 00:20:40.099
the person that they want you to be. And then

00:20:40.099 --> 00:20:42.420
when you leave work, you can be your your own

00:20:42.420 --> 00:20:47.119
person. Polar opposite from but the Pacific Northwest

00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:51.099
from what I've experienced so far So yeah, I

00:20:51.099 --> 00:20:53.980
was able to kind of get into therapy But the

00:20:53.980 --> 00:20:57.160
more therapy I had I I felt like I was getting

00:20:57.160 --> 00:21:01.099
like more and more depressed. Um so I realized

00:21:01.099 --> 00:21:04.500
like something had to change like I need to Kind

00:21:04.500 --> 00:21:06.900
of figure out who I am if I'm ever going to be

00:21:06.900 --> 00:21:13.789
happy. Um So yeah, Florida sucks I know some

00:21:13.789 --> 00:21:17.210
of you are probably wondering So I have mentioned

00:21:17.210 --> 00:21:20.089
that I'm married. I do have a wife. Like what

00:21:20.089 --> 00:21:22.970
does that? What does all of this mean to her?

00:21:23.869 --> 00:21:28.650
I will say somehow right somehow I have found

00:21:28.650 --> 00:21:35.789
an amazing person I am And she we've talked obviously

00:21:35.789 --> 00:21:38.490
a lot and she was like, you know, you deserve

00:21:38.490 --> 00:21:43.680
to be happy Even if you transitioned, right?

00:21:43.720 --> 00:21:48.099
Even if you started growing boobs and she was

00:21:48.099 --> 00:21:50.640
like, I would prefer you not to, right? Like

00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:54.559
I'm not like attracted to women, but even if

00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:58.759
you grew boobs, I'm not going anywhere. Like

00:21:58.759 --> 00:22:01.079
you're still the same person I fell in love with.

00:22:01.079 --> 00:22:03.519
You're still the same person I love. It might

00:22:03.519 --> 00:22:05.740
be a little awkward when we lean in and kiss

00:22:05.740 --> 00:22:08.680
each other and I feel boobs press against me,

00:22:08.779 --> 00:22:11.900
but I'm not going anywhere. So I was like, okay,

00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:18.619
which obviously, if you come out to your to your

00:22:18.619 --> 00:22:22.299
wife, and you're having these thoughts, you know,

00:22:22.299 --> 00:22:27.099
I was kind of prepared for like a divorce. And

00:22:27.099 --> 00:22:29.660
I try to make sure that like, I would understand

00:22:29.660 --> 00:22:31.640
you like I try to make sure that she understood

00:22:31.640 --> 00:22:34.380
that I like I understood like, Hey, totally get

00:22:34.380 --> 00:22:37.759
this. Like if you're not into this if you want

00:22:37.759 --> 00:22:40.180
to leave that's fine We can still be friends

00:22:40.180 --> 00:22:41.839
everything like that. Like I don't want to feel

00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:43.500
like you're I don't want to make you feel like

00:22:43.500 --> 00:22:47.740
you're trapped in this at all But no, she's been

00:22:47.740 --> 00:22:51.900
super supportive Everyone has been super supportive,

00:22:51.920 --> 00:22:56.400
which is kind of surprising. I I'm not gonna

00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:59.900
lie. I was expecting Career was over at work.

00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:02.039
I'm gonna lose all my friends. I'm gonna get

00:23:02.039 --> 00:23:04.240
a divorce. I'm gonna become homeless and see

00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:07.579
I had all like boom, whole life changes. And

00:23:07.579 --> 00:23:10.839
I think that's a lot of one coming from Florida,

00:23:10.920 --> 00:23:13.319
but then also like the fears of like just thinking

00:23:13.319 --> 00:23:16.019
about everything for, you know, your entire life.

00:23:16.019 --> 00:23:18.240
You kind of think things are going to go one

00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:22.500
way and you're often that's not the case. So

00:23:22.500 --> 00:23:27.519
that is good. What is Alex, what's chat saying

00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:33.920
now? Mostly that Florida sucks. Yeah, mostly

00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:35.640
Florida sucks. There's a lot of there's there's

00:23:35.640 --> 00:23:39.539
a lot of Florida sucks in the chat, which I can't

00:23:39.539 --> 00:23:42.240
I can't rightly disagree with Florida kind of

00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:44.980
sucks and we don't like it because it's Florida

00:23:44.980 --> 00:23:48.359
and Florida I don't go through Florida for a

00:23:48.359 --> 00:23:52.259
reason. I've been to Florida I have no desire

00:23:52.259 --> 00:23:54.599
to go back to Florida at this current point in

00:23:54.599 --> 00:23:59.160
time For many many reasons, but yeah, it's a

00:23:59.160 --> 00:24:01.460
lot right now. We're a lot of Florida sucks again

00:24:02.500 --> 00:24:05.920
A lot of people are kind of like echoing your

00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:08.339
your thing about self -fulfillment, right? And

00:24:08.339 --> 00:24:09.880
and you know, oh this thing's gonna make him

00:24:09.880 --> 00:24:13.740
but what's gonna make you happy? You know a lot

00:24:13.740 --> 00:24:15.660
of people happy for you and again, it's it's

00:24:15.660 --> 00:24:18.160
it's a lot of I think a lot of understanding

00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:21.960
I Think that there are a lot I think that the

00:24:21.960 --> 00:24:25.400
number of people Whether it's and it's not always

00:24:25.400 --> 00:24:29.759
necessarily sexuality but I think that the number

00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:33.240
of people who at varying times in their lives

00:24:33.240 --> 00:24:36.380
for whatever reason struggle with a sense of

00:24:36.380 --> 00:24:39.599
identity right and I think that that's that's

00:24:39.599 --> 00:24:43.279
that's most we focus on it a lot these days when

00:24:43.279 --> 00:24:45.460
it comes to gender identity and sexual identity

00:24:45.460 --> 00:24:47.480
and things like that but I don't think that that's

00:24:47.480 --> 00:24:49.460
the only place it stems from and I think we would

00:24:49.460 --> 00:24:52.400
have a lot more understanding for people in the

00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:56.539
lgbtq plus community if if we frame it more from

00:24:56.539 --> 00:24:59.240
a position of everybody kind of struggles with

00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:03.259
identity who the fuck am I right like as a as

00:25:03.259 --> 00:25:07.640
a core thing and for some people that's sexuality

00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:09.539
for some it's gender for some something else

00:25:09.539 --> 00:25:11.799
so again i think there's a lot of people who

00:25:11.799 --> 00:25:14.019
whether they've they've done it in the form of

00:25:14.019 --> 00:25:16.039
of sexual or gender identity and i'm not speaking

00:25:16.039 --> 00:25:17.759
for anybody in the chat i think there's a lot

00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:22.299
of people who are going yeah i i don't i've gone

00:25:22.299 --> 00:25:24.839
through points in my life where i did not feel

00:25:24.839 --> 00:25:27.640
that sense of i feel comfortable in my own skin

00:25:27.640 --> 00:25:30.700
with who i am right and I think a lot of people

00:25:30.700 --> 00:25:33.839
go through that and and I think that that's why

00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:35.380
again I think we're getting some of the reaction

00:25:35.380 --> 00:25:37.980
that we're getting uh from chat again I think

00:25:37.980 --> 00:25:40.160
it's it's a lot of understanding again I I think

00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:41.579
that the way that you put it is really really

00:25:41.579 --> 00:25:45.119
good I think that a lot it you know and you and

00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:48.099
I I think had this discussion a while ago where

00:25:48.099 --> 00:25:50.920
where my theory has always been a lot of it is

00:25:50.920 --> 00:25:54.259
exposure and a lot of it is how you're introduced

00:25:54.259 --> 00:25:59.900
to the LGBTQ Plus community right and and that

00:25:59.900 --> 00:26:03.299
that manner in which you are first because I

00:26:03.299 --> 00:26:04.960
think I told you about the first time like I

00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:08.680
Knew that I was around trans people and the environment

00:26:08.680 --> 00:26:12.819
that I was in and how that came to be Made it

00:26:12.819 --> 00:26:15.539
a lot easier for me to be like, okay. This is

00:26:15.539 --> 00:26:19.000
this is fine. This is normal like Yeah, cool,

00:26:19.380 --> 00:26:22.289
right And I, you know, I could, I could get myself

00:26:22.289 --> 00:26:24.450
into that frame of mind and not look back. And

00:26:24.450 --> 00:26:26.650
I think that, again, I think that, that stories

00:26:26.650 --> 00:26:29.990
like yours, situations like this, where you can,

00:26:30.049 --> 00:26:34.589
you can draw those parallels and explain it,

00:26:34.730 --> 00:26:36.750
I think puts it into a perspective for people

00:26:36.750 --> 00:26:40.390
that again, I don't think happens enough. If

00:26:40.390 --> 00:26:48.250
that makes sense. Yeah. I think, I think it totally

00:26:48.250 --> 00:26:52.000
does. And That's the really sad reality of Florida

00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:56.059
is that you have all these people are going through

00:26:56.059 --> 00:26:59.680
like. When you grow up in a place like northwest

00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:03.000
Florida, which is really just the south. It's

00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:06.900
the south. Yeah. In the south, you think you're

00:27:06.900 --> 00:27:08.960
like the only one going through it. You think

00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:14.559
you're the only. Weirdo, right? Like that's feeling

00:27:14.559 --> 00:27:18.059
this way or going through this when you're really

00:27:18.059 --> 00:27:24.950
not like. I Yeah, it's it's kind of crazy there

00:27:24.950 --> 00:27:30.369
was a study that came out I am When I was in

00:27:30.369 --> 00:27:35.390
engineering school at FSU I am I think it was

00:27:35.390 --> 00:27:38.829
something like 50 % of all engineering students

00:27:38.829 --> 00:27:42.490
were like Depressed and then like a lower number

00:27:42.490 --> 00:27:46.509
was like suicidal. I am which is crazy because

00:27:46.509 --> 00:27:49.839
no one talks about it like No one talks about

00:27:49.839 --> 00:27:53.000
it. And I started advocating for mental health

00:27:53.000 --> 00:27:58.500
when I was at FSU. I got out of Florida pretty

00:27:58.500 --> 00:28:01.200
much as soon as I graduated from engineering

00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:06.400
school from FSU. And I remember my best friend

00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:13.720
in college, insanely smart guy, finished like

00:28:13.720 --> 00:28:18.460
Magna Coolade. I said that right. But Yeah, incredibly

00:28:18.460 --> 00:28:23.220
smart my best friend I I told him like what I

00:28:23.220 --> 00:28:25.980
was not gender, but I told him like how depressed

00:28:25.980 --> 00:28:32.680
I was and he was like Holy crap, dude, like you

00:28:32.680 --> 00:28:36.200
like no one No one would ever think that you're

00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:39.440
going through anything like you were like the

00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:42.359
happiest guy like you're the guy that everyone

00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:45.660
looks to and They're like Jay has it figured

00:28:45.660 --> 00:28:50.019
out Jay is like he's on a path. He's on a war

00:28:50.019 --> 00:28:53.579
path He is happy. He is the one that's always

00:28:53.579 --> 00:28:58.000
like laughing and joking He's like uplifting

00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:02.799
everyone else and I would like I'll never forget

00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:08.039
it. He made a parallel between Myself and Robin

00:29:08.039 --> 00:29:09.920
Williams, and I don't want to compare myself

00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:12.779
to him at all Jesus, but because I think he's

00:29:12.779 --> 00:29:17.369
an amazing person But he was like you're like

00:29:17.369 --> 00:29:19.609
the person that makes everyone else laugh and

00:29:19.609 --> 00:29:24.309
feel happy and like at ease and then you're like

00:29:24.309 --> 00:29:27.490
super depressed and like struggling with like

00:29:27.490 --> 00:29:29.970
Suicidal thoughts and like no one no one knows

00:29:29.970 --> 00:29:33.589
it and I think This is a really sad thing for

00:29:33.589 --> 00:29:37.589
Florida that I'm really sad about is that everyone

00:29:37.589 --> 00:29:42.130
That could really make a change in Florida everyone

00:29:42.130 --> 00:29:46.970
that could change Florida, whether it be like

00:29:46.970 --> 00:29:50.490
mental health, whether it be LGBT or whatever.

00:29:52.470 --> 00:29:56.930
They leave Florida like no one is that I saw

00:29:56.930 --> 00:29:59.390
me personally. I don't think that's just a Florida

00:29:59.390 --> 00:30:01.829
problem. I think that's anywhere that's that's

00:30:01.829 --> 00:30:04.950
of that. That similar cultural thing, right?

00:30:05.029 --> 00:30:07.849
And they talk about like rural brain drain and

00:30:07.849 --> 00:30:10.950
kids not going back to rural communities all

00:30:10.950 --> 00:30:12.710
over the country. And I think that's that's definitely

00:30:13.519 --> 00:30:17.559
Why that happens and I'll be honest, I don't

00:30:17.559 --> 00:30:20.180
know what the solution there is I really don't

00:30:20.180 --> 00:30:30.480
I have no idea Anyway I think yeah Unfortunately,

00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:32.180
I don't think it'll ever change with everyone

00:30:32.180 --> 00:30:35.039
leaving but also I don't blame it anyone for

00:30:35.039 --> 00:30:40.200
for believing like you'd need to be happy Yeah,

00:30:41.319 --> 00:30:45.529
what's that is That is my story. That is the

00:30:45.529 --> 00:30:47.710
very long explanation of my pronouns